I'm working from home this afternoon as Abby's daycare is closed today. I'm sitting on the couch in our office letting the sunlight stream in - it's glorious! Abby just woke up from a lovely 2-hour nap, which allowed me to crank through some WORK and now she's sitting on the floor in here with me playing with toys. Her toy of choice at this present moment is one of those contraptions where there's 4 openings across the top of a rectangular block structure. You use a hammer to knock each of the balls into said structure and they go through a variety of cool maze looking things before coming out the opening at end (very Mouse Trap-esque).
I happened to be working on a different blog when my little girl's frustrated squeaks interrupted my thought. "OOOOOOOO I can't do it....I CAN'T DO IT MOMMY!" I look over and sure enough she's got every ball jammed in this thing and now you can't get anything in or out. Log jam. The purpose of the toy is to have all of the balls put through it, however not all at once. The balls aren't bad...just not meant to be all in there at the same time. In fact, when they're all in there at the same time the toy now becomes obsolete...unable to fulfill it's purpose. It's the kind of thing where - if no one takes the time to unclog the log jam this toy will either end up on the shelf, in a box or just plain in the trash because it's useless. [cue soft piano music...I'm having a bit of a moment here]
I laugh and say "ok...settle down, just bring it to Mommy. I'll fix it."
Enter teachable moment. This toy in it's current condition and my life in many seasons are not all that different. I'm good at filling my life up with all sorts of great things, but often they're things that aren't necessarily 'God-things' (to use a phrase coined in one of my favorite small groups - Life on Purpose). And if I find myself with a log jam of said things - I can no longer fulfill my purpose. The things God has for me - I no longer have room for. I don't want to become obsolete, I don't want to miss the things that I'm supposed to do and/or be a part of. And yet when I completely come unglued, when a log jam appears - I am not a lost cause. I get that same gentle "ok...settle down, just bring it to me and I'll fix it." Can't you just see it now...I'm getting all emotional having this revelation of my own life and all the while the poor two-year-old is still freaking out because I have yet to fix her beloved toy. I take care of the jam - all is right in the world again, and I'm listening to her send each ball on it's journey with a mighty SMACK of the hammer.
So now that I've had a good reminder of something I'm already accutely aware of - how do I take it to the next step beyond awareness to mastery or maturity to hopefully have less of the 'fix-it-freak-outs.'
Once I figure out the answer...I'll be sure to share.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
What Good is Perspective Anyway?
I decided I'm tired of getting perspective. How's that for an offensive statement. As I sit down to write this blog I realize that my last blog was pretty much about this very same thing...hmm...perhaps this appearance of a theme is, in fact, something with a bigger purpose than fleeting thoughts and feeling helpless and frustrated.
This past Friday I was part of 'Beauty Night' at our church - an incredible event, unlike anything we've ever done before that was about reaching out to our fellow girls in need - in different situations, different walks of life and all throughout this community. And not just doing a church-y outreach, but truly being WITH them. {This was my beautiful friend Kristie's brain child - she's incredible!} One of the elements of this night was childcare so that the mamas could enjoy some kid-less time. I ended up spending a bit of time helping with kiddo check-in and walking moms back and forth to drop-off their kids. One of the first little ones I came in contact with was a little guy perhaps 3 or 4 who was wearing Winnie the Pooh slippers instead of shoes. And they were worn - like he wore them outside often. Now, I have no context - perhaps he had many pairs of shoes at home and was going through a normal kid phase of just LOVING those slippers and never wanting to take them off. But regardless - I just stood there paralyzed. Earlier that day I had stopped by the downtown Baby Gap store - happened to see a sign saying 'additional 40% of all sale items' and one of the things I had picked up for Abby was a new pair of sandals. So kids shoes were on the brain a bit. Looking back now I should have jumped in my car, ran to Target and picked up some new tennis shoes & socks for this sweet boy, it would have taken all of 15 minutes. But instead I stood there - soaked in some good old perspective, but did nothing.
A girlfriend just forwarded me a website where there are sweet little girls in Ukranian countries just waiting to be adopted but all with mild to severe medical/developmental conditions and concerns. It is heartbreaking just to look at the website. I clicked on the link - read through almost every little girl's profile - took in a healthy dose of perspective, but have done nothing other than to offer a quick prayer as I saw each face.
I continue to not know what to do with my little doses here and there of perspective. Perhaps Aaron and I need to be praying about adoption, perhaps the answer is to contribute financially to this - and other - causes. Perhaps this is God softening my heart and preparing me for something entirely different? I have no clue.
I stumbled upon these verses last month and was reminded of the passage again today...
Proverbs 24:11-12 ~ Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death. Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.” For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew.~
Here I sit...in my beautiful house, with my perfect daughter sleeping in the next room - who has never once felt unloved, afraid (of anything other than Daddy's monster sounds), unwanted or hungry.
I have a friend who signs his emails 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' I think for now...I'll chew on that, because I just don't think continuing to do nothing is an option.
This past Friday I was part of 'Beauty Night' at our church - an incredible event, unlike anything we've ever done before that was about reaching out to our fellow girls in need - in different situations, different walks of life and all throughout this community. And not just doing a church-y outreach, but truly being WITH them. {This was my beautiful friend Kristie's brain child - she's incredible!} One of the elements of this night was childcare so that the mamas could enjoy some kid-less time. I ended up spending a bit of time helping with kiddo check-in and walking moms back and forth to drop-off their kids. One of the first little ones I came in contact with was a little guy perhaps 3 or 4 who was wearing Winnie the Pooh slippers instead of shoes. And they were worn - like he wore them outside often. Now, I have no context - perhaps he had many pairs of shoes at home and was going through a normal kid phase of just LOVING those slippers and never wanting to take them off. But regardless - I just stood there paralyzed. Earlier that day I had stopped by the downtown Baby Gap store - happened to see a sign saying 'additional 40% of all sale items' and one of the things I had picked up for Abby was a new pair of sandals. So kids shoes were on the brain a bit. Looking back now I should have jumped in my car, ran to Target and picked up some new tennis shoes & socks for this sweet boy, it would have taken all of 15 minutes. But instead I stood there - soaked in some good old perspective, but did nothing.
A girlfriend just forwarded me a website where there are sweet little girls in Ukranian countries just waiting to be adopted but all with mild to severe medical/developmental conditions and concerns. It is heartbreaking just to look at the website. I clicked on the link - read through almost every little girl's profile - took in a healthy dose of perspective, but have done nothing other than to offer a quick prayer as I saw each face.
I continue to not know what to do with my little doses here and there of perspective. Perhaps Aaron and I need to be praying about adoption, perhaps the answer is to contribute financially to this - and other - causes. Perhaps this is God softening my heart and preparing me for something entirely different? I have no clue.
I stumbled upon these verses last month and was reminded of the passage again today...
Proverbs 24:11-12 ~ Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death. Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.” For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew.~
Here I sit...in my beautiful house, with my perfect daughter sleeping in the next room - who has never once felt unloved, afraid (of anything other than Daddy's monster sounds), unwanted or hungry.
I have a friend who signs his emails 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' I think for now...I'll chew on that, because I just don't think continuing to do nothing is an option.
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