We had the chance to get away for a week of vacation in northern Minnesota a couple of weeks ago. We spent the entire week enjoying the beach...swimming, boating, jet ski-ing, bonfires, s'mores, etc. It was fantastic! One of the things we got to do was take both girls for jet ski rides for the very first time. Each time I'd take one of the girls out with me - I found myself hyperaware of everything around me. As we'd go out into the water I was scanning for all other watercraft, other swimmers, what direction did I think the far away boat was going to go, etc. Initially Abby told me 'NO WAVES' because she was scared of going over the bumpy parts, but I knew she'd love it if she experienced it. I knew she couldn't handle massive waves that surprised us, I had to go looking for (or create) little ones. I watched her and watched the water like a hawk. When we cruised over the smaller waves, and then bigger and bigger ones - she would laugh and laugh out of pure joy. It was a blast. Nothing was coming at us that would surprise me - even if it'd surprise her...I knew what she could and couldn't handle and I was not about to put her in harms way. One night laying in bed at the cabin I was thinking about this phenomenon of being a parent and specifically the way it changed how I operated on a jet ski [an aside...how on earth does a person spell JET SKI? I've now googled, spell checked and dictionary.com searched and come up with many things. Sheesh!] with my daughter in front of me - completely enveloped by my arms. Nothing was going to happen to her that wasn't encased in my protection. I had a fleeting thought...'God - is this how you feel about us?' 'Is this a physical/visual picture of why it's safe to completely place all my trust, hopes, fears, dreams...my kids (!!!) in your care?'
We got back from vacation and resumed normal activity, but these thoughts still stayed in a corner of my mind. We went shopping this past week-end and I was on Megan duty walking from the car to the store. She of course wanted to walk and not be held. Again - mama senses at high alert. I gave her the tiniest bit of space to walk like a big girl, but what she didn't know is that I was watching all around her - watching for cars, watching for the curb coming up she could potentially trip on, etc. In that moment...same thought. 'God - is this how you feel about us?'
I've often told people - I had no concept of what the love of God as Heavenly Father looked like until I had my first baby and then...WHAM. And often - for me personally - the ways God will speak to my spirit involve something I'm feeling/doing in relation to my children and he'll flip the visual around to convict me, give me a word, encourage me, etc. So as I chewed on this...I did a quick google search. Does the Bible even really speak to this parental side of God that I've sort of assigned him in this romanticized picture in my mind?
Sure does.
"I myself said, 'How gladly would I treat you like my children and give you a pleasant land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation.' I thought you would call me 'Father' and not turn away from following me." -- Jeremiah 3:19
"Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." -- Matthew 6:8
"The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' " -- Romans 8:15
On my drive into work this morning I was thinking about this and plotting out this blog post and really wishing I could end with a sentence saying something like "and so therefore - done, sold - I trust God fully and without question." But for me - the reality is that in my mind, that's true. When it comes to theology, belief system, what I know is true...I get it. I know that that I can place all my trust in Him. He's watching for the waves - he knows what I can handle, even when I (in my infinite wisdom...) have said 'no thank you.' And yet from a heart perspective...it's harder. It's something that is being worked out in my faith - day in and day out.
Perhaps I'm just posing this question again to myself...but should anyone else stumble across this post, I feel compelled to ask. Is there something you're struggling to trust God with...to trust God for? In all transparency...for me right now, it's my oldest daughter who will go to kindergarten next week. And I'm completely overwhelmed that the God of the universe - the same God who is over all that is happening around the world right now - knows the inner most parts of my heart and for this season of life...He gave my mama heart a picture that I could connect with.
