I've been chewing on 'anger' a lot lately. I am totally an extremist - I go from 0-60 in my response, REALLY well! If I'm cold - I want the heat up to 75, the fireplace on, layers of warm clothes, a blanket and a hot drink IMMEDIATELY! If the result of all of that is that I wind up feeling warm - I want the AC to the max and an iced drink IMMEDIATELY. Expectations are another area where I often find myself in the midst of an extreme response. Aaron and I got married the end of January, 6 weeks later I went on a women's retreat with our church (which also happened to end on my birthday). On the drive home from the retreat I had visions of all the wonderful things my new husband was sure to be planning on my very 1st birthday as a married woman. I arrived home to find Aaron baking a yellow cake with chocolate frosting. My response was a meltdown. I sobbed over the fact that this man who I just signed up to spend forever with did not, in fact, know me at all. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting is HIS favorite, not mine. I hate chocolate frosting. Why is it a cake from a box? The list goes on. What I completely missed in my larger-than-life reaction is that...THIS man (who apparently was so worthless in that moment) was baking me a cake. The boy who doesn't cook and most certainly doesn't bake had put the effort into thinking about it being my birthday, driving to the store to pick out a cake and then making it to be ready when I got home. He's a good boy. I am a crazy wife-who IS easily angered.
I think I am a person with really good, genuine intentions. But when something doesn't happen just how I'd like it to, or just how I had planned for it to be...I am easily angered. I blame my short fuse on a lot of things...working full-time, being the mom of a toddler, having a husband with a bizarro schedule, etc - all valid things to make a person operate at a bit of a higher stress level...but certainly do not justify the response. A few times more recently Aaron has made a point to talk to me about the fact that I 'seem mad' often. [side note: I could write a separate blog about how much I LOVE (insert sarcasm) when my husband calls out things in me that are right on, and even better...CONVICTING! I really feel like I read somewhere that this whole 'iron sharpening iron' thing is supposed to be enjoyable?] I'm not sure of the exact reason, but I've been chewing on it and the phrase 'slow to anger' kept coming to mind. I finally figured that it must be a part of an old verse that I memorized back in AWANA days and aww thanks, Holy Spirit for bringing it to mind - yup, I should be slow to anger. I decided to search for the reference on 'bible gateway' this morning and what to my wondering eyes should appear? Not a single reference where this is a characteristic we as believers are encouraged to display, but 9 times just on the 1st page this is a characteristic that describes who GOD is. OH - it's a character trait of God's. Crap. I think I'm supposed to be striving towards being more like Him? I somehow end up at 1 Corinthians 13 and see this component of the 'LOVE' verses...[Paul says - in defining LOVE] '...it is not easily angered.' Crap. I am easily angered and 100% of the time it's toward those I...wait for it...LOVE.
Here's the part where I get really transparent as I attempt to put my conviction into practice - so no judgement allowed. Well, actually - judge all you want, just keep it to yourself. ;)
We are hosting Christmas Day at our house this year. I was thrilled that it worked out - it's our 1st Christmas in this house, we finally have a house with a great space for hosting, etc. We all landed on having appetizers as our 'meal' and that everyone would bring something to the handful of things I would be making. I send a note to confirm menu and to ask each person what they are going to bring. Some of the responses I get back are not a firm answer - just that 'something' or 'a surprise' will be brought. 0-60...are you KIDDING me? How can I plan for my very fabulous Christmas afternoon if I don't know every single thing coming to my house, I had in my head an idea of what my table will look like and now it's RUINED because I don't have all of the information. My tendency is to respond back with a request to know every last detail of every dish in advance. I've opted not to. Isn't the purpose of hosting a holiday meal, like Christmas, just to open up our home to our family that we love? And really - what's it to me if we have double of something, or something that isn't my personal favorite, or lots of leftovers. WHO CARES!
And so, maybe that's the ticket...I simply need to take the 'who cares' approach more often.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Log Jam - No Thank You!
I'm working from home this afternoon as Abby's daycare is closed today. I'm sitting on the couch in our office letting the sunlight stream in - it's glorious! Abby just woke up from a lovely 2-hour nap, which allowed me to crank through some WORK and now she's sitting on the floor in here with me playing with toys. Her toy of choice at this present moment is one of those contraptions where there's 4 openings across the top of a rectangular block structure. You use a hammer to knock each of the balls into said structure and they go through a variety of cool maze looking things before coming out the opening at end (very Mouse Trap-esque).
I happened to be working on a different blog when my little girl's frustrated squeaks interrupted my thought. "OOOOOOOO I can't do it....I CAN'T DO IT MOMMY!" I look over and sure enough she's got every ball jammed in this thing and now you can't get anything in or out. Log jam. The purpose of the toy is to have all of the balls put through it, however not all at once. The balls aren't bad...just not meant to be all in there at the same time. In fact, when they're all in there at the same time the toy now becomes obsolete...unable to fulfill it's purpose. It's the kind of thing where - if no one takes the time to unclog the log jam this toy will either end up on the shelf, in a box or just plain in the trash because it's useless. [cue soft piano music...I'm having a bit of a moment here]
I laugh and say "ok...settle down, just bring it to Mommy. I'll fix it."
Enter teachable moment. This toy in it's current condition and my life in many seasons are not all that different. I'm good at filling my life up with all sorts of great things, but often they're things that aren't necessarily 'God-things' (to use a phrase coined in one of my favorite small groups - Life on Purpose). And if I find myself with a log jam of said things - I can no longer fulfill my purpose. The things God has for me - I no longer have room for. I don't want to become obsolete, I don't want to miss the things that I'm supposed to do and/or be a part of. And yet when I completely come unglued, when a log jam appears - I am not a lost cause. I get that same gentle "ok...settle down, just bring it to me and I'll fix it." Can't you just see it now...I'm getting all emotional having this revelation of my own life and all the while the poor two-year-old is still freaking out because I have yet to fix her beloved toy. I take care of the jam - all is right in the world again, and I'm listening to her send each ball on it's journey with a mighty SMACK of the hammer.
So now that I've had a good reminder of something I'm already accutely aware of - how do I take it to the next step beyond awareness to mastery or maturity to hopefully have less of the 'fix-it-freak-outs.'
Once I figure out the answer...I'll be sure to share.
I happened to be working on a different blog when my little girl's frustrated squeaks interrupted my thought. "OOOOOOOO I can't do it....I CAN'T DO IT MOMMY!" I look over and sure enough she's got every ball jammed in this thing and now you can't get anything in or out. Log jam. The purpose of the toy is to have all of the balls put through it, however not all at once. The balls aren't bad...just not meant to be all in there at the same time. In fact, when they're all in there at the same time the toy now becomes obsolete...unable to fulfill it's purpose. It's the kind of thing where - if no one takes the time to unclog the log jam this toy will either end up on the shelf, in a box or just plain in the trash because it's useless. [cue soft piano music...I'm having a bit of a moment here]
I laugh and say "ok...settle down, just bring it to Mommy. I'll fix it."
Enter teachable moment. This toy in it's current condition and my life in many seasons are not all that different. I'm good at filling my life up with all sorts of great things, but often they're things that aren't necessarily 'God-things' (to use a phrase coined in one of my favorite small groups - Life on Purpose). And if I find myself with a log jam of said things - I can no longer fulfill my purpose. The things God has for me - I no longer have room for. I don't want to become obsolete, I don't want to miss the things that I'm supposed to do and/or be a part of. And yet when I completely come unglued, when a log jam appears - I am not a lost cause. I get that same gentle "ok...settle down, just bring it to me and I'll fix it." Can't you just see it now...I'm getting all emotional having this revelation of my own life and all the while the poor two-year-old is still freaking out because I have yet to fix her beloved toy. I take care of the jam - all is right in the world again, and I'm listening to her send each ball on it's journey with a mighty SMACK of the hammer.
So now that I've had a good reminder of something I'm already accutely aware of - how do I take it to the next step beyond awareness to mastery or maturity to hopefully have less of the 'fix-it-freak-outs.'
Once I figure out the answer...I'll be sure to share.
What Good is Perspective Anyway?
I decided I'm tired of getting perspective. How's that for an offensive statement. As I sit down to write this blog I realize that my last blog was pretty much about this very same thing...hmm...perhaps this appearance of a theme is, in fact, something with a bigger purpose than fleeting thoughts and feeling helpless and frustrated.
This past Friday I was part of 'Beauty Night' at our church - an incredible event, unlike anything we've ever done before that was about reaching out to our fellow girls in need - in different situations, different walks of life and all throughout this community. And not just doing a church-y outreach, but truly being WITH them. {This was my beautiful friend Kristie's brain child - she's incredible!} One of the elements of this night was childcare so that the mamas could enjoy some kid-less time. I ended up spending a bit of time helping with kiddo check-in and walking moms back and forth to drop-off their kids. One of the first little ones I came in contact with was a little guy perhaps 3 or 4 who was wearing Winnie the Pooh slippers instead of shoes. And they were worn - like he wore them outside often. Now, I have no context - perhaps he had many pairs of shoes at home and was going through a normal kid phase of just LOVING those slippers and never wanting to take them off. But regardless - I just stood there paralyzed. Earlier that day I had stopped by the downtown Baby Gap store - happened to see a sign saying 'additional 40% of all sale items' and one of the things I had picked up for Abby was a new pair of sandals. So kids shoes were on the brain a bit. Looking back now I should have jumped in my car, ran to Target and picked up some new tennis shoes & socks for this sweet boy, it would have taken all of 15 minutes. But instead I stood there - soaked in some good old perspective, but did nothing.
A girlfriend just forwarded me a website where there are sweet little girls in Ukranian countries just waiting to be adopted but all with mild to severe medical/developmental conditions and concerns. It is heartbreaking just to look at the website. I clicked on the link - read through almost every little girl's profile - took in a healthy dose of perspective, but have done nothing other than to offer a quick prayer as I saw each face.
I continue to not know what to do with my little doses here and there of perspective. Perhaps Aaron and I need to be praying about adoption, perhaps the answer is to contribute financially to this - and other - causes. Perhaps this is God softening my heart and preparing me for something entirely different? I have no clue.
I stumbled upon these verses last month and was reminded of the passage again today...
Proverbs 24:11-12 ~ Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death. Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.” For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew.~
Here I sit...in my beautiful house, with my perfect daughter sleeping in the next room - who has never once felt unloved, afraid (of anything other than Daddy's monster sounds), unwanted or hungry.
I have a friend who signs his emails 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' I think for now...I'll chew on that, because I just don't think continuing to do nothing is an option.
This past Friday I was part of 'Beauty Night' at our church - an incredible event, unlike anything we've ever done before that was about reaching out to our fellow girls in need - in different situations, different walks of life and all throughout this community. And not just doing a church-y outreach, but truly being WITH them. {This was my beautiful friend Kristie's brain child - she's incredible!} One of the elements of this night was childcare so that the mamas could enjoy some kid-less time. I ended up spending a bit of time helping with kiddo check-in and walking moms back and forth to drop-off their kids. One of the first little ones I came in contact with was a little guy perhaps 3 or 4 who was wearing Winnie the Pooh slippers instead of shoes. And they were worn - like he wore them outside often. Now, I have no context - perhaps he had many pairs of shoes at home and was going through a normal kid phase of just LOVING those slippers and never wanting to take them off. But regardless - I just stood there paralyzed. Earlier that day I had stopped by the downtown Baby Gap store - happened to see a sign saying 'additional 40% of all sale items' and one of the things I had picked up for Abby was a new pair of sandals. So kids shoes were on the brain a bit. Looking back now I should have jumped in my car, ran to Target and picked up some new tennis shoes & socks for this sweet boy, it would have taken all of 15 minutes. But instead I stood there - soaked in some good old perspective, but did nothing.
A girlfriend just forwarded me a website where there are sweet little girls in Ukranian countries just waiting to be adopted but all with mild to severe medical/developmental conditions and concerns. It is heartbreaking just to look at the website. I clicked on the link - read through almost every little girl's profile - took in a healthy dose of perspective, but have done nothing other than to offer a quick prayer as I saw each face.
I continue to not know what to do with my little doses here and there of perspective. Perhaps Aaron and I need to be praying about adoption, perhaps the answer is to contribute financially to this - and other - causes. Perhaps this is God softening my heart and preparing me for something entirely different? I have no clue.
I stumbled upon these verses last month and was reminded of the passage again today...
Proverbs 24:11-12 ~ Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die; save them as they stagger to their death. Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.” For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew.~
Here I sit...in my beautiful house, with my perfect daughter sleeping in the next room - who has never once felt unloved, afraid (of anything other than Daddy's monster sounds), unwanted or hungry.
I have a friend who signs his emails 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' I think for now...I'll chew on that, because I just don't think continuing to do nothing is an option.
Monday, May 3, 2010
When Do Matters of the Heart Become the Heart of the Matter?
We moved into a new house this past January, and one of our favorite things about our new house is the fact that it has an irrigation system. Being novices at using said system the lovely 'A to Z Landscaping' guy came out, got us all set up, showed Aaron how to use the system - put us on an every other day rotation, etc and we're set (well...at least until we get our first bill and need to alter the frequency :) ). On the days we water - the rotation starts at 5am and so when I pull out the driveway about 6:30am the last zone is finishing up on the left side of the yard...so on that first as I'm backing out I notice that we are full on WATERING THE DRIVEWAY! I'm totally torked all the way into work. I call Aaron to inform him that I am NOT going to pay for asphalt watering, to which he responds with some uber rational "ok - I'll go out and take a look at it..." and great, taken care of. However, as I went about my day it just was really bothering me and I could not get one thought out of my head. It's no secret that in many parts of the world we are in a MAJOR water crisis. Babies die every day, every hour - every mintute (I'm guessing?) because of a lack of drink-able water. And here I am with my LOADS of good water WATERING THE DRIVEWAY?! In all honesty - I don't know what to do with that. I think there's value to my thought process, but what am I going to do...have my irrigation system dug up to ensure that no children go without a suitable water supply. Of this be sure, oh cyberspace, if that was all it took - it'd have been done already.
Anyone who knows me knows I love to shop. :) I just do. Unashamedly (is that a word?) - I love to shop, I love clothes, I love shoes, I love to grocery shop - I love to furniture shop, I love to shop for others, I love to shop for my family, I love to shop for me. I'm not materialistic. It isn't what motivates me. It isn't the purpose in my life - it's just something I enjoy. I have a husband who's great with money - he ensures we save, don't have debt, tithe and are generous and doesn't tolerate any irresponsibility on my end with spending so I'm forced to shop within reason (read - SUPER THANKFUL FOR THAT even though I fight it with a vengence!). However, lately as I'm out my thought process goes something like this... [I'm at Target : cute ballet flats $12.99 - totally going to get these - can wear these for family pics with Dietrich next week, which reminds me need to stop at the mall on the way home to pick up my shirt at the Limited and Aaron's shirt at the Buckle - but then we should be good because Abby already has her outfit from her birthday party. Hmm...it's weird that here I am planning our outfits for our professional pictures that we have done every 6 months, ON TOP of everything else we do in our lives when there are people who literally don't know how they're going to buy food...and/or are homeless and/or don't have jobs and/or can't afford to buy their kids clothes AT ALL - let alone the fancy tutu for pictures.] AH. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RECONCILE THAT. Should I not shop? Should I make more trips to the Good Will - or is there somewhere else I should go? I literally already go there once a quarter AT LEAST.
I truly don't believe God is convicting me to stop watering my lawn, or even to refuse to purchase anything. I don't think I'm being convicted about the $29.50 shirt at the Limited...but what I do see is a gently prodding in my spirit asking this question. What will it take to turn matters of the heart (the things that could be a fleeting thought or just something I hold internally going...'huh - what to do with that?') into THE HEART OF THE MATTER.
My stuff isn't the problem...it's how I look at the stuff, how I feel without the stuff, and my willingness to GIVE my stuff.
I feel like lately my blogs are answer-less...and I think for this season of my life, maybe that's ok. I'd prefer to blog some grandiose life lesson that concludes with a teachable moment I can then share with others vs being completely vulnerable about my own process, however - for this moment in time. So be it. :)
Anyone who knows me knows I love to shop. :) I just do. Unashamedly (is that a word?) - I love to shop, I love clothes, I love shoes, I love to grocery shop - I love to furniture shop, I love to shop for others, I love to shop for my family, I love to shop for me. I'm not materialistic. It isn't what motivates me. It isn't the purpose in my life - it's just something I enjoy. I have a husband who's great with money - he ensures we save, don't have debt, tithe and are generous and doesn't tolerate any irresponsibility on my end with spending so I'm forced to shop within reason (read - SUPER THANKFUL FOR THAT even though I fight it with a vengence!). However, lately as I'm out my thought process goes something like this... [I'm at Target : cute ballet flats $12.99 - totally going to get these - can wear these for family pics with Dietrich next week, which reminds me need to stop at the mall on the way home to pick up my shirt at the Limited and Aaron's shirt at the Buckle - but then we should be good because Abby already has her outfit from her birthday party. Hmm...it's weird that here I am planning our outfits for our professional pictures that we have done every 6 months, ON TOP of everything else we do in our lives when there are people who literally don't know how they're going to buy food...and/or are homeless and/or don't have jobs and/or can't afford to buy their kids clothes AT ALL - let alone the fancy tutu for pictures.] AH. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RECONCILE THAT. Should I not shop? Should I make more trips to the Good Will - or is there somewhere else I should go? I literally already go there once a quarter AT LEAST.
I truly don't believe God is convicting me to stop watering my lawn, or even to refuse to purchase anything. I don't think I'm being convicted about the $29.50 shirt at the Limited...but what I do see is a gently prodding in my spirit asking this question. What will it take to turn matters of the heart (the things that could be a fleeting thought or just something I hold internally going...'huh - what to do with that?') into THE HEART OF THE MATTER.
My stuff isn't the problem...it's how I look at the stuff, how I feel without the stuff, and my willingness to GIVE my stuff.
I feel like lately my blogs are answer-less...and I think for this season of my life, maybe that's ok. I'd prefer to blog some grandiose life lesson that concludes with a teachable moment I can then share with others vs being completely vulnerable about my own process, however - for this moment in time. So be it. :)
Friday, April 30, 2010
Oh, North Central...
Aaron and I did not attend the same college. He went to North Central Bible College (now North Central University) and I went to Bethel College (now Bethel University)...[an aside - think it's sort of funny when schools get fancier names]. Now, looking back I'm quite sure one of the things that saved us was the fact that we were at different schools with different groups of friends, however there was a time when I was seriously contemplating transferring to be closer to him [read: to ensure he was staying away from all the cute girls in the music department].
Throughout our college years I got the change to hang out at NCU a ton. I got to know a ton of Aaron's friends and teachers - and even started bringing my Bethel friends to Wednesday night Praise Gathering even when Aaron was on the road, which became my own thing. For me...there was something about North Central's chapel and the songs that were written and sung out of that place. We sang songs by graduates who I had never met (or had yet to meet), songs by my husband (I'll give anyone a prize who can name the song of Aaron's still sung there), and songs by non-NCU people...but there was just something about the annointed worship within that chapel. Or was it something else. I'm not doubting the fact that God's presence is absolutely there and He moves in great ways through the students and worship there. However, my life at that point - my struggle, my brokenness, my confusion and my utter dependence on God. My loneliness, which drove me into a place of constant conversation with Him...a place of oneness with my Father that hadn't been experienced before or since then. I journaled (writing letters) daily, I sought every opportunity to be in His presence - especially worship settings - that I could and was just SO hungry. I experienced a lot of hurt and joy in those few years, and yet my memories in that chapel are such sweet ones. I feel like sharing this memory should lead somewhere...and there should be some profound 'conclusion' or 'teachable moment' to end this blog, but there isn't. Maybe that makes me shotty writer, maybe that just makes me a real human...but I love that I have a season like that in my life to look back on and know what truly walking with the Lord looked like at that time. I know we are called to always be broken, to always walk with God, yada-yada...however, there's something about being shaken to the core (in this particular instance it was because of a boy...who shall remain nameless :) ) and trying to recover, or even just figure out how to wade through whatever the circumstance that makes that certain season of one's walk with God just a little sweeter. Similarly - my first months as a new mom were that way as well.
Anyway...ALL of the above hit me like a freight train this past Monday night standing in North Central's chapel for Dave Pedde's 'farewell' concert singing...
'we enthrone you with our praises, we enthrone you in our lives, we enthrone you king of the ages, we enthrone you - you are Christ.' [probably my all time favorite Dave Pedde song!]
For the memories and the change over the past 10 years - I am grateful!
Throughout our college years I got the change to hang out at NCU a ton. I got to know a ton of Aaron's friends and teachers - and even started bringing my Bethel friends to Wednesday night Praise Gathering even when Aaron was on the road, which became my own thing. For me...there was something about North Central's chapel and the songs that were written and sung out of that place. We sang songs by graduates who I had never met (or had yet to meet), songs by my husband (I'll give anyone a prize who can name the song of Aaron's still sung there), and songs by non-NCU people...but there was just something about the annointed worship within that chapel. Or was it something else. I'm not doubting the fact that God's presence is absolutely there and He moves in great ways through the students and worship there. However, my life at that point - my struggle, my brokenness, my confusion and my utter dependence on God. My loneliness, which drove me into a place of constant conversation with Him...a place of oneness with my Father that hadn't been experienced before or since then. I journaled (writing letters) daily, I sought every opportunity to be in His presence - especially worship settings - that I could and was just SO hungry. I experienced a lot of hurt and joy in those few years, and yet my memories in that chapel are such sweet ones. I feel like sharing this memory should lead somewhere...and there should be some profound 'conclusion' or 'teachable moment' to end this blog, but there isn't. Maybe that makes me shotty writer, maybe that just makes me a real human...but I love that I have a season like that in my life to look back on and know what truly walking with the Lord looked like at that time. I know we are called to always be broken, to always walk with God, yada-yada...however, there's something about being shaken to the core (in this particular instance it was because of a boy...who shall remain nameless :) ) and trying to recover, or even just figure out how to wade through whatever the circumstance that makes that certain season of one's walk with God just a little sweeter. Similarly - my first months as a new mom were that way as well.
Anyway...ALL of the above hit me like a freight train this past Monday night standing in North Central's chapel for Dave Pedde's 'farewell' concert singing...
'we enthrone you with our praises, we enthrone you in our lives, we enthrone you king of the ages, we enthrone you - you are Christ.' [probably my all time favorite Dave Pedde song!]
For the memories and the change over the past 10 years - I am grateful!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Easter...and my Dad.
If you grew up in the church listening to Christian music in the 80's - you were more than likely a fan of Sandi Patty, or in my case...a kid who's parents loved Ms. Patty, but you did not care for her less than "pop" style of music. However, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Sandi because of a sweet tradition between my Dad and I that began as a result of one of her songs...
In 1986 Sandi Patty's 'Morning Like This' album was released. The title track 'Morning Like This' is an Easter song - very cheesy sounding instrumentals (which anyone who knows me knows I have a great love for all things cheesy AND nostalgic), but very cool lyrics!
"Was it a morning like this? When Mary walked down from Jerusalem? And two angels stood at the tomb, Bearers of news she would hear soon. Did the grass sing? Did the earth rejoice To feel you again? Over and over like a Trumpet underground, Did the earth seem to pound: “He is risen” over and over in a never ending round “He is risen, alleluia, alleluia!”
[this is just a snippet...]
Not sure how or when it started, but as far back as I can remember on Easter morning my Dad would come in very early and wake me up saying "Jessica...can you hear it? Do you hear it?" As a little girl excited to be up early w/ Dad I'd jump out of bed going "WHAT...HEAR WHAT? I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING!" And he'd say something to the effect of...lyrics above. Grass singing. Earth rejoicing...like a trumpet underground, etc. Fast forward to the teenage years when he'd come in and ask me that and 1) I'd be a typical annoyed teen who didn't want to be woken up for anything & 2) I'd groan and roll my eyes because I knew exactly what he meant. "Yeah OK, Dad...yup, I hear the grass." This is not an earth shattering or inspiring story - I am sure. But the reason I even bother to blog about it - is this. My Dad still does it today. Only now it's via text and I absolutely love it. Like clock work - every Easter, around 5am or so...my phone will buzz. I still have last year's saved on my phone "Can you hear it? The earth seems to shout HE is risen. I love you. Dad."
I love my Dad, and though our relationship has seen peaks and valleys...I'm amazed at the sense of bellonging and security I feel when he does things like this. [hmm...even typing that phrase spins up another blog entry.] But it's not just about my Dad...
I pulled up the lyrics to that song today again. I keep reading and re-reading.
I'm embarassed to admit that the season leading up to Easter is more often than not consumed with thoughts on what we'll all wear to church rather than taking time to reflect on the events that ACTUALLY happened, which necessitate the reason for reflection/celebration. Think I'll intentionally continue chewing on that over the next couple of days.
Happy Easter!
In 1986 Sandi Patty's 'Morning Like This' album was released. The title track 'Morning Like This' is an Easter song - very cheesy sounding instrumentals (which anyone who knows me knows I have a great love for all things cheesy AND nostalgic), but very cool lyrics!
"Was it a morning like this? When Mary walked down from Jerusalem? And two angels stood at the tomb, Bearers of news she would hear soon. Did the grass sing? Did the earth rejoice To feel you again? Over and over like a Trumpet underground, Did the earth seem to pound: “He is risen” over and over in a never ending round “He is risen, alleluia, alleluia!”
[this is just a snippet...]
Not sure how or when it started, but as far back as I can remember on Easter morning my Dad would come in very early and wake me up saying "Jessica...can you hear it? Do you hear it?" As a little girl excited to be up early w/ Dad I'd jump out of bed going "WHAT...HEAR WHAT? I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING!" And he'd say something to the effect of...lyrics above. Grass singing. Earth rejoicing...like a trumpet underground, etc. Fast forward to the teenage years when he'd come in and ask me that and 1) I'd be a typical annoyed teen who didn't want to be woken up for anything & 2) I'd groan and roll my eyes because I knew exactly what he meant. "Yeah OK, Dad...yup, I hear the grass." This is not an earth shattering or inspiring story - I am sure. But the reason I even bother to blog about it - is this. My Dad still does it today. Only now it's via text and I absolutely love it. Like clock work - every Easter, around 5am or so...my phone will buzz. I still have last year's saved on my phone "Can you hear it? The earth seems to shout HE is risen. I love you. Dad."
I love my Dad, and though our relationship has seen peaks and valleys...I'm amazed at the sense of bellonging and security I feel when he does things like this. [hmm...even typing that phrase spins up another blog entry.] But it's not just about my Dad...
I pulled up the lyrics to that song today again. I keep reading and re-reading.
I'm embarassed to admit that the season leading up to Easter is more often than not consumed with thoughts on what we'll all wear to church rather than taking time to reflect on the events that ACTUALLY happened, which necessitate the reason for reflection/celebration. Think I'll intentionally continue chewing on that over the next couple of days.
Happy Easter!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
My Heart Overflows!
"...for out of the OVERFLOW of the HEART, the mouth speaks..." Matthew 12:34b
I have always loved this verse - although the 1st half isn't one I'd chose to readily identify myself with (brood of vipers? Yikes.). As a little girl my mom was really protective of what we watched and listened to and could be heard frequently teaching the "garbage in - garbage out" lesson. I don't remember at what particular juncture in life this verse jumped out at me, but nevertheless - for me, it's one of those that pops into my head at the most INOPERTUNE times. [read: times when I need it to for a heart check]
In August of 2007 I became a mom (actually in July of 2007 I became a mom, I just didn't know it until August 22nd :)]. The way in which I began to think about and look at things changed almost instantly. On April 23, 2008 I met my daughter. It wrecked me - in the most beautiful way. For every mom - you know this moment. The moment you see your child's face for the first time - it wrecks you, and nothing in your life is ever the same. You're a mom. You look at the world through a different lens, your decision making process takes on a different tone, and the list goes on. Every journey is different, but for me - God chose to use this event in my life as a way to speak to my heart - the very core of who I am, the way I process information and understand life around me. I should have started a blog at that time - but didn't, for a million reasons. My daughter turns 2 next month and it's time. If for no one else other than me - to have a chance to let my mouth speak (or fingers strike the keyboard?) from the overflow of my heart.
I am a girl (pink loving, ruffle digging, emotionally charged!). I am a wife (blogs forthcoming about the boy with whom I share my life!). I am a mom. I work full-time. I'm passionate and I'm imperfect. I'm rough around the edges. And I've not yet figured everything out.
It's.Just.Me.
I have always loved this verse - although the 1st half isn't one I'd chose to readily identify myself with (brood of vipers? Yikes.). As a little girl my mom was really protective of what we watched and listened to and could be heard frequently teaching the "garbage in - garbage out" lesson. I don't remember at what particular juncture in life this verse jumped out at me, but nevertheless - for me, it's one of those that pops into my head at the most INOPERTUNE times. [read: times when I need it to for a heart check]
In August of 2007 I became a mom (actually in July of 2007 I became a mom, I just didn't know it until August 22nd :)]. The way in which I began to think about and look at things changed almost instantly. On April 23, 2008 I met my daughter. It wrecked me - in the most beautiful way. For every mom - you know this moment. The moment you see your child's face for the first time - it wrecks you, and nothing in your life is ever the same. You're a mom. You look at the world through a different lens, your decision making process takes on a different tone, and the list goes on. Every journey is different, but for me - God chose to use this event in my life as a way to speak to my heart - the very core of who I am, the way I process information and understand life around me. I should have started a blog at that time - but didn't, for a million reasons. My daughter turns 2 next month and it's time. If for no one else other than me - to have a chance to let my mouth speak (or fingers strike the keyboard?) from the overflow of my heart.
I am a girl (pink loving, ruffle digging, emotionally charged!). I am a wife (blogs forthcoming about the boy with whom I share my life!). I am a mom. I work full-time. I'm passionate and I'm imperfect. I'm rough around the edges. And I've not yet figured everything out.
It's.Just.Me.
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