On the Hook for What?

Yesterday was the Twins home opener. For the last several years we've had a tradition of going to the game and yesterday was no different, it was also Abby's first year to come along. Fun (and freezing) family time. As we were leaving the stadium we passed several people holding up signs asking for help - 'VET', 'HOMELESS', 'OUT OF WORK', etc. Having worked downtown Minneapolis for eight years, this is not anything out of the ordinary for what I see every day. We happened to pass a young woman who looked incredibly sad and was holding a sign that said 'Husband died...' (it said more than that, but in my effort not to stare I missed the rest of it) and she was holding a bucket. We had just about passed her and Aaron burst out 'I want to give her something' and before I could turn around he was back by her placing some money into her bucket.

I'm a cynical Minnesotan. I've seen the 20/20 episodes featuring people like this young woman who after standing outside an event like that, proceed to walk a few blocks away and get in their Cadillac SUV and drive home to their beautiful home - and use this method of "making money" to fund their lifestyle at the expense of others' naive kindness. I've heard every story about men and women who use a 'sob-story' sign to tug at the heart strings of others, get their $ and then go buy more drugs and alcohol. I've heard it all. But for some reason, yesterday was different and I haven't been able to stop thinking about that 30 second experience.

Anyone who works with or for me knows that ACCOUNTABILITY is my non-negotiable for myself and for others. It's your ticket in the door. Be sure of what you are on the hook for, help others understand what they are on the hook for and deliver excellent results against those expectations. This is much easier to bring clarity to in the business world - but when it comes to the heart, and trying to hear God's voice - what I'm 'on the hook for' suddenly is blurry. Or isn't it?

I think that's what I've been going over and over again in my head regarding yesterday's interaction with that young woman. What am I on the hook for? Am I on the hook for teaching her a lesson by walking by and not even making eye contact? Am I on the hook for making eye contact and smiling, but not giving anything? Am I on the hook for putting a tract in her bucket when what she's asking for is money?

Am I on the hook for the content of my heart?

It's entirely possible that this young woman isn't even married, and will use the money she received yesterday to go out and party this week-end. But isn't it also entirely possible that she is a broken-hearted young woman who, out of pure desperation, is seeking the potential kindness of strangers to feed her two young children. If I attempt to answer this question in the Word I come upon phrases like: 'Do not judge, or you too will be judged' Matt 7:1 and 'whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me' Matt 25:39, and the list is endless. The interesting thing as I continue to dig - I don't find a checklist - if said brother or sister meets X, Y and Z criteria so that you know their need is legit - then do something. It sort of seems like Jesus is saying - "when you see a need, meet it. Let me do the rest." The bible is also super clear on judgement and all sorts of other things around holding not only us accountable for what we do when needs are presented, but for those who receive - what they do as well.

I'm not suggesting we all give every single time you see someone with a sign, I'm not even saying I'm going to strive to do that or that it's even the RIGHT thing to do. In fact, I think for me - the 'on the hook' part I'm going to take home from this thought process of mine is much more about the needs of those around me, which are often not even related to money. What I am saying is that I think some time spent thinking about what I'm personally 'on the hook for', as it pertains to the content of my heart, is time well spent. And, as far as yesterday goes...well, I'm thankful for a husband who did something. I don't know if it was some huge "GOD SPOKE TO ME" moment for him, or if it was simply seeing her eyes and in seeing her need, thinking about his own wife being alone and afraid and so as a husband, he acted. Regardless of the reason - his action spurred me to have a moment of self-examination...and I find those moments, while often wildly uncomfortable and uncertain, really good.

Less Two...More One.

Today is our 6th wedding anniversary. The week before our anniversary I always get a little bit reflective on the flurry of events and emotion that surrounded our wedding and the journey we've been on since January 20th, 2006. This past week has been no different in that regard.

This past week-end I was going through every bedroom pulling together all of our laundry for the Sunday laundry marathon. I walked into our closet and dumped out our laundry bin, stood there for a moment smiling...and went back to doing laundry. I love doing laundry, always have. I'm weird like that. One of the things I thought was fun about getting married was that I'd get to do someone else's laundry too (someone should have told me about boys and their never-ending amounts of dirty socks and undershirts - sheesh!). When we were first married we each had our own laundry bin on our respective sides of the closet. It wasn't a conscious decision we made, just sort of happened as I moved into the town house he had already been living in pre-wedding. I have no idea at what point we went from 2 laundry bins down to 1 collective shared laundry bin. But I got to thinking as I stood there smiling at our 1 SHARED bin this week...what else in our lives has gone from separate to shared. Individual to collective. 'ME' to 'US.'

After 6 years of marriage there are many things like the laundry bins that started out as 'yours' and 'mine' that are now 'ours' and I'm proud of those things, but I think my challenge for this 7th year of doing life together will be to look for the places I've been unwilling to truly MERGE from 2 to 1 and be more intentional about changing that. This is a hard thing for an independent, oldest child, type A, CONTROL FREAK like myself because most of these places are more matters of the heart than tangible objects in our closet. Thankfully I'm married to a patient, loves-me-even-though-I'm-said-control-freak (or perhaps it's in spite of that?), not terrible to look at [wink] husband. Bring it on 2012 - the year of ONE-NESS!

Happy Anniversary to my favorite boy!

"So they are no longer two, but one flesh." -- Mark 10:8