I was recently talking with a co-worker who also welcomed their second child this summer and he mentioned that statistically marital satisfaction is lowest after the birth of the 2nd child. We both laughed - agreeing that we felt this was true, and what we were each doing to try and combat that.
I've blogged on this topic before - but it's been a challenging summer for many reasons, and especially as I've gone back to work and been sucked right back into the dog-eat-dog-world of corporate America, I've felt at odds with most of what's going on at home, specifically my marriage. It is not entirely uncommon for Aaron and I to be "ships passing in the night" with schedules that are most often polar opposite, however we've always managed to make date nights a priority and carve out a few nights at home together during the week where work is off limits and we can just sit and watch TV together. The key being - both present. With adding another kid to the mix, my current project load at work, his schedule and the extra-curricular "stuff" we've both got going - prioritized time together has all but gone the way of the dinosaur. Not intentionally, and we talk often about the need to be better about it...but life goes on, just happening around us and before we know it, it's been 3 months since we've had a date!
Broken relationships are the norm for me - in looking across all sides of my family, there is only about one couple who got married many years ago and is still married. It's just what I know. And as I've continued to (what I'd describe as) spiral to a place of being less satisfied with life- there is no shortage of times I've blurted out statements such as 'I give up', 'I can't do it anymore', 'I don't know why we ever thought our lives could join together - it's impossible.' This isn't at all my eluding to wanting to separate from my husband - they are more just statements of pure defeat, my feeling like the task at hand (prioritizing my marriage and my family) is impossible!
My sister-in-law got married this past summer (side note - she was without a doubt, the most beautiful bride I've ever seen!) and one of the songs they had in their ceremony was Dave Barnes' 'God Gave Me You'...well, it happened to come across my playlist on my way into work this morning and I was struck by a portion of the chorus lyrics:
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you
For anyone who knows us, it's no secret...my husband and I are good with our words. Like every married couple - we know what really gets under each other's skin. We are both oldest children, alpha-dogs, stubborn, strong-willed and do not back down easily. I love this about us, but it can prove to be challenging at times when we are odds (oh wait, I mean - nice Christian couples never argue - and being the good submissive wife I am - I only ever say 'yes, dear!'). However, I've noticed as I've struggled since Megan's birth to regain my "bearings" and had moments of admitting above statements of defeat - that's usually when I'll get a text from him saying 'I love you and I'm committed to our relationship' and other similar messages. It doesn't solve anything, but it reminds me and grounds me... I am tethered to something, to someone - and he is confident in our ability to work through challenge, even when I am not.
So, this morning when I heard that song - specifically the phrase "for the days of doubt" I was overcome with gratitude and awe. Awe of the way God's design truly DOES play out in my life, even when I'm not helping it along (weird, God doesn't need my help?). And, gratitude for a husband, who could slam the door in my face when, for the millionth time this month, I throw my arms in the air and say 'I can't!' - but instead sees through to the heart of the other stressors at hand and responds lovingly.
My boy, he mostly rocks. I love him.
